


Stop

by Jude_The_Dude



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU sorta, Angst, Connor and Evan are friends?, Connor still dies tho, I can't write a summary to save my life help, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, One-sided feelings, Pining if you squint, Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jude_The_Dude/pseuds/Jude_The_Dude
Summary: Quickly Connor wiped his eyes and scrambles over the railing, his heart racing and his entire being shaking like a leaf in the cold air. He can’t wait or Evan will see him, and Evan will try to stop him.As if on cue, he hears that painfully familiar voice scream, loud and high pitched and so unlike Evan that he barely recognizes it. “Stop! Connor, stop! Please!”AU in which Connor and Evan are friends and Evan finds Connor about to jump.





	Stop

_I'm holding on for my dear life, to the railing on the roof. And the ground below me looks up and says, "What are you gonna do? Are you gonna throw it all away, gonna end it all, or not?”_

    Connor looks down at the blur of pavement from the top of the building. He’d forgotten where he was or how he’d gotten here. All he knows is that he had a plan, and that plan was to jump. His knuckles are white as he grips the railing, leaning over ever so slightly to glance down, deciding what he’s going to do.

_And I'm waiting for the phone to ring, to hear your voice again 'cause you're the only one who can save me from this dark and lonely end._

    Suddenly his phone is vibrating in his pocket and his breath hitches in his throat. He isn’t going to answer it - he has no reason to - but he checks it regardless, and when he sees who it is he begins to tremble.

    “Hello?” He answers finally, his voice raspy and trembling, barely competing with the wind around him.

    “C-Connor! Where are you? I- you’re family said that they haven’t seen you in hours. Zoe said there was a big fight. Connor, where are you?”

     Connor simply sighs, silent on the other end as Evan rambles, obviously concerned for his friend. “I’m fine, Evan.” He lies poorly with a dry chuckle.

    “That’s not what I asked, Connor…”

_Well the ground is looking softer, every second that I wait, and the rain is stinging on my skin, as tears fall down my face._

    He opens his mouth to reply with something snarky, looking down at the welcoming pavement and suddenly begins to sob, his tears mixing with the harsh rain that has begun to pour. The long-haired teen quickly covers his mouth with his hand, mumbling his location to Evan and immediately regretting it.

    “I’m on my way.”

    “Evan, no- no please don-” Evan has already hung up and Connor is sobbing louder now. He slowly opens his gallery to a picture of him and Evan at the orchard, the phone threatening to fall from his shaky hands as he bawls, rain pelting the screen before finally he shoves the device back into his pocket.

    _And I hold your picture in my hand, so you'll be with me when I go. And I recall all the moments that led me to this, all of my mistakes. I say goodbye to all my memories, and lies to my face, 'cause I was hurting on the inside, so I hurt myself on the outside too. But then came you And you begged me to stop. Please stop._

    He’s thinking back now to when Evan had first found his cuts, and Evan cried, he apologized as if he had done something wrong. He begged Connor to stop. And he did. He stopped - slowly but surely - he stopped. And Evan thought he was getting better, but in reality he was just bottling things up. Because he didn’t want Evan to be guilty.

    _And I walk up to the edge, and I kiss your picture goodbye, and I turn around to lean back and I see you with your hand out screaming ‘stop!’ Please stop. Stop. Please stop._

    Quickly Connor wiped his eyes and scrambles over the railing, his heart racing and his entire being shaking like a leaf in the cold air. He can’t wait or Evan will see him, and Evan will try to stop him. As if on cue, he hears that painfully familiar voice scream, loud and high pitched and so unlike Evan that he barely recognizes it. “Stop! Connor, stop! Please!” Connor turns, unable to make the tears stop as he looks Evan in his eyes. _I love you._ He thinks. “I’m sorry.” He says.

    _But you were just a little too late, I touched your fingers on my way down, falling faster than I fell for you. And when I look up I see you looking down on me, screaming, crying, begging, pleading, weeping._

    Evan is running over just as Connor let’s go, nearly grasping his hand, their fingertips only brushing as the other falls. Connor watches regretfully, guilty and nauseous as he hears Evan’s broken screaming and crying. And suddenly it stops.

    _That's when everything Stopped. Stopped. Stopped._

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Stop by Dalton Rapattoni
> 
> This is the first DEH- actually the first fic in general I've posted to AO3, so constructive criticism is more than appreciated.  
> Thank you for reading! And please leave comments/kudos (to feed my ego) if you enjoyed!


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